"If you can't be good, be good at it..."
Cat Scott

"If this is the 90's fast food era, then the majesty of rock is fast food for thought"
Spinal Tap

"Make it idiot proof, and someone will make a better idiot"

"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it"

"Some people think that alcohol is a drug , it's not, it's a drink"
Chris Morris

"To err is human ... but it takes a computer to really fuck things up..."
Office Mug

"I want to die like my grandad: asleep and at peace ... not screaming and terrified, like the people in his car..."
Neil Middleton

"I didn't break the planet ... It was this way when I found it"
Dennis Leary

"The Liver is a potentially cancerous Organ. Kill it ... before it kills you."
Spiders Drinking Club motto ... possibly Oscar Wilde

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
A. Whitney Brown

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
Hunter S. Thompson

"If we can't fix it, it's not broken"
Geco-Prakla Helpdesk

"St. Valentine, who is remembered for making the sad, lonely people feel like shit."
Stewart Lee

"Who needs four fingers when a Twix fits?"
Alli Scott

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Have you got any funny quotes for me?